Radical Hospitality 4

One our community dinners back in Omaha. We have continued this tradition here in the Land of Smiles. So fun!

I recently read the book Scary Close by Donald Miller. In the book he talked a bit about he and his wife’s desire to create a home that is healing and restorative. A place where people can come and be safe on their journey of becoming whole. When I read this I thought,  “Wow, this is exactly what Tracy and I have been trying to create.” I was motivated to continue learning and practicing in creating that kind of environment.

Back in 2007, when Tracy and I were first married, we lived in “intentional, missional community” with dear friends. These friends taught us a lot about the unconditional love of God. Their heart for the marginalized and disenfranchised continues to beat to this day. When we were back in the States earlier this year, we had the chance to visit with them a bit. Their house was warm as always with love and generosity. Their children’s friends were over, obviously they sensed the welcoming, accepting love that comes from the family. They were a model for us, an example we could see, and they created a place to experiment and grow, to make mistakes and learn and a place to forgive and receive forgiveness, a place to belong.

This is really what it is about. A place to belong. A safe place that communicates value and worth. Our homes and our very presence outside our homes can become a place to belong. Our presence with a friend or a stranger can become a place the communicate value and worth. This is radical hospitality.

People need examples and experiences to facilitate growth. Years ago we needed friends to show us how to love the marginalized. People need the opportunity to receive healthy and safe love from another human. They need to know what love looks like. By taking risks in creating a place to belong, we can help that occur. As I said, it starts with opening your heart…and continues by opening your door.

Radical Hospitality 3 Open Doors

This is our front door. Open, as usual. I want you to encourage you to do the same, literally, but more importantly, metaphorically.

Set the table. Make it perfect. Clean the house. Make it spotless. Clean the bathrooms. Make them shimmery. Make the food. Make it otherworldly. Hide the blemishes. Hide the problems. Welcome the guests, on time, on schedule.

Nope. Don’t. Stop.

This might be hospitality for someone, somewhere. But this is not the hospitality that we are talking about.

When we talk about hospitality, we are talking about an attitude of the heart that manifests in our homes. We always ask “is the door of our heart open?”

Are we ready to receive the poor (regardless of their economic status) the broken (regardless of their outward appearance) the weary (regardless of their energy level) the confused (regardless of their apparent intellect) the refugee (regardless of their religious convictions)?
It starts with a crack in the door. We look out, prepare ourselves to encounter the unknown, to go headlong into uncertainty, to embrace a relationship and heal ourselves and the world in the process.

Radical hospitality 2

Last time I wrote about Dim and Doi and their expression of radical hospitality. I talked about how they expressed patience and they made a choice.

Today I will look at two more elements of the radical hospitality expressed by Dim and Dtoy.

Curiosity.

I have been told a number of times that I am weird, but good weird. Or that I am different, and a variety of other adjectives along those lines. So naturally, some people will be provoked to curiosity by our weirdness. As our relationship grew, I realized that both Dim and Dtoy were curious about our lives. Curious about how we parent our children, how we cook our food, how we spend our time, what our ideas are, what our life was like in America, what our family is like. They have had the privilege of meeting many of our family members that have come to visit.

This curiosity is something that made me feel welcome. I felt like they wanted to actually know us, as best as they could given our language hindrances. As they persisted patiently in the quest to know us better, we have the benefit of knowing them better.

During times when we are eating with them and other Thai friends, I have often heard Dtoy commenting on our parenting. He has been watching, and he likes to explain to his friends about how we are different, good different. I feel honored to be observed. It is certainly a bit intimidating, but honoring.

If we can develop a sense of curiosity about others, it can promote positive and radical hospitality. Allow our curiosity to open our homes and welcome new friends so we can learn about them and from them. In the process we can be mutually transformed.

Inconvenienced

Many times Dim and Dtoy have been inconvenienced by our crises. Whether it was a car accident, a hospital visit, a friend in need, their hospitality extended beyond the dinners. Some people call this friendship, and I agree, but you can be friends, even good friends, without being hospitable. Dim and Dtoy’s friendship created a level of hospitality that convinced us that they were ready to help, even at an unscheduled time.

I think that curiosity is a gift that requires cultivation. It requires us to suspend our preconceptions and opinions for a moment so that we can learn. Curiosity opens us up to a realm of friendship and hospitality that is transformative personally and within our communities.

A willingness to be inconvenienced is a vital part of hospitality. It is the fire that purifies our hearts. It puts us is the place where are kindness and generosity isn’t limited to our terms alone. I have been encouraged by the willingness of my Thai friends to be inconvenienced on my behalf, with nothing in it for them.

Radical Hospitality Revisited Part 1

Last night we had dinner with friends of ours. After eating to near explosion, sitting and chatting, sharing stories, and receiving some gifts, we piled into the truck and pulled away. As we drove off, our friends stood in the street, smiling and waving goodbye. I smiled, thinking about our night and I thought…radical hospitality.

This phrase has been on my mind a lot lately. We feel like radical hospitality is a part of our DNA, who we are, what we have to contribute. Tracy and I have been talking about it. I have been on the look out for it. What is radical hospitality?

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When I use radical, I mean: something beyond normal, something that catches your attention, something that disrupts status quo, something that is inspirational, something that requires moving beyond personal comfort or self-interest.

By hospitality I refer primarily to the use of a home to welcome, to feed, and to engage  meaningfully with other humans. I don’t think hospitality is limited to physical buildings…but for the sake of this post we will talk about homes.

So, our friends Dim and Dtoy have taught us a lot about radical hospitality. Today I want to point out two traits that they have demonstrated to us.

The first trait is patience.

A little background will help us understand. When we first moved to Thailand, we met Dim and Dtoy through a friend. We started having meals with them regularly…every Wednesday regularly. Our Thai language skills were, well…we didn’t have any. We could say “delicious” and “full” and “thank you.” And so, these weekly meals consisted of sitting, eating and saying, delicious, full, thank you…and not much else.

We tried to talk, stumbled through communicating a bit, but mostly we commented on the food and how full we were.

This went on for many weeks. Our language gradually grew…but not at any rate that eased the pain of awkward silence, confusion and the pain of hearing a language butchered.

But they kept inviting us. We kept eating together. They kept being patient. Patient as we sat. Patient as we arrived late….every single time. Patient as we fumbled with our phones looking up words. Patient as we broke every social protocol in Thailand. They continue to be patient with us.

Up to this point in my life, I have never had so many meals with another person, except the people in my family. I still don’t know why Dim and Dtoy were so patient with us. If it was me, I probably would have avoided myself after the 5th meal…because it is sOOoooooooooo HAAARRRRDDDDD to sit with people who you can barely communicate with, especially when you DO NOT HAVE TO!

Yes, I just typed in caps to move on to the second thing.

Choice.

Radical Hospitality is a choice.

You are either going to open up and take a risk.

Or you are going to shut your garage, or gate, or door and turn on your tv or you computer or whatever.

Dim and Dtoy made the choice every week for a year to open their home, their kitchen, their wallet, their heart.

They opened up to show hospitality in a way I have never seen.

And we are better for it